Dealing with racism, and looking after yourself through it
Racism is when someone is treated unfairly, left out, mocked or hurt because of their skin colour, their name, their religion, their accent or where their family comes from. It can be a cruel comment, a "joke," being copied or stared at, being left out, or something more serious. If this has happened to you, please hear this first: there is nothing wrong with you, and it is not your fault. You did not bring it on yourself, and you do not have to just put up with it. This guide is about what to do when it happens, and how to look after the part of you that it hurts.
Has any of this happened to you?
Read this knowing one thing first: none of it was your fault, and none of it was ever about you.
💜What happened was wrong, not you. Here's how to handle it and look after your heart.
Know this: it's about them, not you
When someone is racist towards you, it can make you feel small, ashamed, or like you want to change who you are. Please don't. Racism says everything about the person doing it, and nothing true about you. Your skin, your name, your culture and your faith are not problems to be fixed, they're part of what makes you you, and they're allowed to take up space. The shame belongs to the person who acted that way, not to you.
You don't have to handle it in the moment
You might freeze, go quiet, or not know what to say, and later replay it wishing you'd reacted differently. That's a completely normal response to being hurt, not a failure. You don't owe anyone a clever comeback. The safest thing is usually to step away from the person, find a friend or an adult you trust, and not stay somewhere you feel unsafe. Protecting yourself is always more important than "winning" the moment.
Tell an adult you trust, this counts as bullying
Racism isn't "banter" and it isn't something you have to sort out on your own. In school it's taken seriously, and schools have a duty to act on it. Tell a teacher, a head of year, a school counsellor, or a parent or carer. If the first person doesn't help, tell another one. Saying "this is racist and it's making me dread coming in" is enough, you don't have to prove anything or have it perfectly worded.
Write down what happened
If it keeps happening, keep a simple note of each time: the date, what was said or done, and who saw it. Screenshot anything online rather than deleting it. This isn't about being dramatic, it helps adults see the pattern and take it seriously, and it means you don't have to hold every detail in your head. Online racism can also be reported on the app itself, and serious threats can be reported to the police.
Let yourself feel it, then let people in
It's okay to feel angry, tearful, exhausted or numb. Racism is a real hurt, and pretending it didn't bother you only makes it sit heavier. Talk to someone who gets it, a friend, a family member, an older sibling, or a teacher you trust. Carrying it alone makes it grow. Saying it out loud to someone safe takes some of the weight off and reminds you that you're not the one who did something wrong.
Find your people and stay proud of who you are
One of the strongest things you can do is surround yourself with people who celebrate where you're from, your family, friends who get it, a community, a faith group, or online spaces that lift you up. Learn about your culture's history and the people who look like you who've done amazing things. Pride in who you are is something racism can't take from you, and it's the best armour there is.
What happened to you was wrong, and it was never about your worth. Your anger makes sense, and so does your rest.
💬What to say
You don't have to find the perfect words. Borrow any of these:
✨Try this: the mirror reminder
Racism tries to make you believe a lie about yourself. Push back on it on purpose. Once a day, look in the mirror and say one true thing: "I belong here." "My name is beautiful." "There is nothing wrong with me." It can feel silly at first, but your brain believes what it hears most often, so don't let the cruel voices be the loudest ones. You decide the story you tell yourself about who you are.
Why this actually helps
You can't control whether other people choose to be cruel, but you can choose not to carry their cruelty as if it were the truth about you. Every time you tell someone, write it down, or stand a little taller in who you are, you take power back. You deserve to feel safe, to feel proud, and to belong exactly as you are, and there are people whose job and joy it is to make sure you do. You are not the problem here. You never were.
Understand it
Read this knowing one thing first: none of it was your fault, and none of it was ever about you.
You might notice:
- Someone made a 'joke' about your skin, name, accent or religion and laughed it off.
- You get stared at, copied, or treated like you don't quite belong.
- You've been left out and quietly wondered if it's because you're different.
- You laughed along on the outside while it really stung underneath.
- Start here if it feels right: Know this: it's about them, not you.
- Or give this a go: You don't have to handle it in the moment.
In real life
If you've been treated differently because of your skin, your name, your faith or where your family's from, this is here for you.
Things you can actually try:
- Know this: it's about them, not you: When someone is racist towards you, it can make you feel small, ashamed, or like you want to change who you are.
- You don't have to handle it in the moment: You might freeze, go quiet, or not know what to say, and later replay it wishing you'd reacted differently.
- Tell an adult you trust, this counts as bullying: Racism isn't "banter" and it isn't something you have to sort out on your own.
- Write down what happened: If it keeps happening, keep a simple note of each time: the date, what was said or done, and who saw it.
- Let yourself feel it, then let people in: It's okay to feel angry, tearful, exhausted or numb.
- Find your people and stay proud of who you are: One of the strongest things you can do is surround yourself with people who celebrate where you're from, your family, friends who get it, a community, a faith group, or online spaces that lift you up.