If you're self-harming, here's how to reach out
If you're hurting yourself as a way of coping, you are not broken, bad, or beyond help. Self harm is often a way of dealing with feelings that feel too big to hold any other way, and reaching out is one of the bravest, most important things you can do. This page won't describe methods or details, it's only here to help you take the next step toward support.
Does any of this feel familiar?
Read gently. There's nothing here to be ashamed of, and no part of you is too much to help.
💜If you're nodding, please keep reading. You don't have to carry this on your own.
Pick one person to tell, even just a little
It doesn't have to be a perfect conversation. "I've been struggling and hurting myself" is enough to say to a parent, teacher, school nurse, or another trusted adult. You don't owe anyone the full story straight away.
If saying it out loud feels too hard, write it down
Some people find it easier to text, email, or hand someone a note than to say the words. That counts just as much as saying it out loud, choose whatever way feels possible for you.
Talk to Childline or another helpline first, if that feels safer
If telling someone you know feels too frightening right now, Childline (0800 1111) is free, confidential, and won't judge you. They can also help you think through how to tell someone close to you, if and when you're ready.
Expect to be asked gentle, caring questions
Whoever you tell, whether a trusted adult, GP, or counsellor, they'll likely ask what's going on underneath the self harm, not just about the self harm itself. That's because the real support is about what you're carrying, not just the behaviour.
If a reaction isn't what you hoped for, keep going anyway
Sometimes the first person you tell doesn't react well, out of shock or not knowing what to say, not because you've done something wrong. If that happens, please try someone else, or a helpline. You deserve support, and one difficult reaction doesn't change that.
Telling one person is not the end of your privacy. It is the beginning of not carrying this alone.
Tools for getting through an urge
These won't fix what's underneath, that's what the support above is for, but they can help you ride out a strong moment until it passes. Urges almost always rise, peak, and fade.
Buy yourself time, even a few minutes
You don't have to promise "never again," just "not in the next 15 minutes." Set a timer and do something, anything, until it goes off. Urges feel permanent but they're actually waves, they peak and then start to drop.
Use a strong, safe sensation instead
Many people find that intense but harmless input takes the edge off, holding an ice cube, a very cold shower, snapping a hairband, biting into something sour, or going for a fast walk or run. It gives your body a jolt without harm.
Make your environment a bit safer
In a calmer moment, it can help to put away or hand to someone the things you'd usually use, and to move to a different room, ideally near other people, when an urge hits. Adding small obstacles gives the wave time to pass.
🧰Your coping tool kit
💬What you could say to reach out
It does not have to be a big conversation. Any of these is enough to open the door:
✨Try this: the 15 minute wave
- When the urge comes, say to yourself: "I'll wait 15 minutes first."
- Set a timer and do one strong sensation or distraction activity from your tool kit.
- When it goes off, notice where the urge is now, often lower. If you need to, reset it for another 15.
- Whatever happens, message your trusted person or a helpline. You don't have to do this part alone.
You are not alone in this
Self harm is far more common among teenagers than most people realise, and it's never a sign that you're "too much" or "broken." It's usually a sign that you've been carrying something painful without enough support, and the fact you're reading this page shows you're already looking for a way through it.
Understand it
Read gently. There's nothing here to be ashamed of, and no part of you is too much to help.
You might notice:
- You hide it under sleeves and bracelets, half hoping no one notices, half hoping someone does.
- When the feelings get too big, it's the one thing that lets the pressure out.
- Afterwards comes relief, then guilt, then the fear of someone finding out.
- You want to tell someone but have no clue how to even start that sentence.
- Start here if it feels right: Pick one person to tell, even just a little.
- Or give this a go: If saying it out loud feels too hard, write it down.
In real life
If you're hurting yourself to cope, you are not broken. Here's how to reach out and let someone in.
Things you can actually try:
- Pick one person to tell, even just a little: It doesn't have to be a perfect conversation.
- If saying it out loud feels too hard, write it down: Some people find it easier to text, email, or hand someone a note than to say the words.
- Talk to Childline or another helpline first, if that feels safer: If telling someone you know feels too frightening right now, Childline (0800 1111) is free, confidential, and won't judge you.
- Expect to be asked gentle, caring questions: Whoever you tell, whether a trusted adult, GP, or counsellor, they'll likely ask what's going on underneath the self harm, not just about the self harm itself.
- If a reaction isn't what you hoped for, keep going anyway: Sometimes the first person you tell doesn't react well, out of shock or not knowing what to say, not because you've done something wrong.
- Buy yourself time, even a few minutes: You don't have to promise "never again," just "not in the next 15 minutes." Set a timer and do something, anything, until it goes off.